Post your best joke thread

[G-MONEY]

Theres the same thing for St Louisans.

Nice try....... but no, not even close!

[zad0030]

You know our from St. Louis when you think Willie McGee was one the greatest baseball players of all time –John

You know youre from stl if u have ever called into 590 with your own rant out of frustration for izzy, mizzou, rams, steroids or college football in general (likely all at the same time). -Randy

you know when youre from St. Louis when people from out of town look at you funny when you pronounce highway 40 and 44 -Ryan

u r so saint louis if any one in ur family refers to a casino as "the boat" –Sr. Hollmon

You know you (once lived) are from STL when you have to explain just how hostile Clayton-Ladue and WG-Kwood games are...or if you got pepper sprayed at a HS hockey event! -Sarah

You know you're from St. Louis when you measure the distance to get somewhere in time not by how many miles ( or yards in some cases) –Rachel

You Know you are from St. Louis when you know this phrase "Cheap Cheap. Fun Fun" -Jeffrey

You know your from STL when you find yourself spitting on anyone whose wearing a cubs bball cap -Erich

You know your from St. Louis if you go to another state order toasted ravioli and wonder what the hell is wrong with this place when they don't have it. -Tim

You know you're in STL when the weather is 80 one day and 40 the next. -Meghan

Haha, 878-9999 is American equity mortgage. -Joe

Ok, so you know how to find the Shane Co., and you've memorized American Equity Mortgage's Phone #, but how many of you can sing the Mattress Giant jingle? -Laura

U forgot to add Ted Drewes!!! Everyone from STL has been to Ted Drewes...especially after Cards games -Abby

Don't forget gooey butter cakee... -Janicee

when u increase ur speed by 20mph as u cross from county to city -Dave

You're daily footwear is Birkenstocks -Patrick

you know you're from St Louis when all that you and your friends can think about is leaving. And you all go away to school. And two years later, everyone is back in town and never wants to leave. -Kathy

You know your from St. Louis when you can pinpoint exact references in Nelly's songs -McKenna

you learned how to divide by fractions with the Ozzy Smith Fraction Flip -Heather


If these dont apply to you..dont join the group



You love toasted ravioli with Budweiser beer.

"Vacation" is a choice between Silver Dollar City and Lake of the Ozarks.

You can find Pestalozzi Street by aroma alone.

You can get anywhere in 20 minutes, except on highway 40.

You can debate for 30 minutes whether Missouri Baking or Marge Amighetti makes the best Italian bread.

You know what "Party Cove" is, and where the "lake" is.

You still can't believe the Arena is gone.

Your first question to a new person is, "Where did you go to High School?"

Your non-St. Louisan friends always ask if you're aware there is no "r" in "wash."

You know at least one person who's gotten hurt at Johnson Shut-ins.

You know in your heart that Mizzou can beat Nebraska in football.

You think the four major food groups are Beef, Pork, Budweiser and Imo's.

You know there are really only three salad dressings: Imo's, Zia's and Rich and Charlie's.

You'll pay for your kid to go to college unless they want to go to KU.

You would rather have a root canal without anesthetic than drive on Manchester on a Saturday afternoon.

It just doesn't seem like a wedding without mostaciolli. AND YOU PRONOUNCE IT 'MUSKACHOLLI'. The balance of the menu is ham, boiled roast beef, string beans with ham and of course pitchers of Busch Bavarian (class weddings have Bud)

You know, within a three-mile radius, where another St. Louisan grew up as soon as they open their mouth.

You know what a Pork Steak is...and what kind of sauce to put on it!

Everyone in your family has floated the Meramec River at least once.

A hoosier is someone that lives just south of Chouteau, not a person from Indiana.

You have made fun of Mike Shannon and tried to imitate him ordering another cold, frosty Busch Bavarian Beer.

You have listened to Mike's broadcast on KMOX, while watching the game on TV and wonder what game he is watching. A tear forms in your eye as someone mentions their favorite Jack Buck story.

You've said, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity."

Your favorite summer treat is handed to you upside-down

You bleed Blue between September and May

You actually get these jokes

[G-MONEY]

There was a 10 year old boy walking down the sidewalk dragging a
> > flattened frog on a string behind him. He walked up to a house of
> > ill repute and knocked on the door.
> >
> >
> >
> > When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he
> > wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I
> > have the money and I'm not leaving until I do." The Madam figured,
> > why not, so she told him to come in.
> >
> >
> >
> > Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked,
> > "Do any of the girls have any diseases?" Of course, the Madam said
> > no, but the boy replied, "I heard all the men talking about having
> > to get shots after making it with Amber. So THAT'S the girl I want!"
> >
> >
> >
> > Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it,
> > the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed
> > down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes
> > later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.
> >
> >
> >
> > The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in
> > the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"
> >
> >
> >
> > He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my
> > parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home
> > with my babysitter. After they leave, my babysitter will have sex
> > with me because she just happens to be very fond of little boys. She
> > will get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back,
> > Dad will take the babysitter home. On the way, he'll jump her bones,
> > and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the
> > babysitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will
> > catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will
> > deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease..
> > and HE'S the son-of-a-***** who ran over my FROG!"

[jleger98]

There was a 10 year old boy walking down the sidewalk dragging a
> > flattened frog on a string behind him. He walked up to a house of
> > ill repute and knocked on the door.
> >
> >
> >
> > When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he
> > wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I
> > have the money and I'm not leaving until I do." The Madam figured,
> > why not, so she told him to come in.
> >
> >
> >
> > Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked,
> > "Do any of the girls have any diseases?" Of course, the Madam said
> > no, but the boy replied, "I heard all the men talking about having
> > to get shots after making it with Amber. So THAT'S the girl I want!"
> >
> >
> >
> > Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it,
> > the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed
> > down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes
> > later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.
> >
> >
> >
> > The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in
> > the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"
> >
> >
> >
> > He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my
> > parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home
> > with my babysitter. After they leave, my babysitter will have sex
> > with me because she just happens to be very fond of little boys. She
> > will get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back,
> > Dad will take the babysitter home. On the way, he'll jump her bones,
> > and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the
> > babysitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will
> > catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will
> > deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease..
> > and HE'S the son-of-a-***** who ran over my FROG!"

Damn thats a long way to go for that!! funny tho!!

[Domsz06]

HA HA HA HA

[G-MONEY]

n the farm lived a chicken and a donkey, both of whom loved to play
>together. One day, the two were playing when the donkey fell into a bog
and
>began to sink.
>
>Scared for his life, the donkey 'hee hawed' for the chicken to go get
>the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.
>
>Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to
>no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.
>
>Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Z-4 series BMW.
>Finding the keys inside, the chicken sped off with a length of rope,
>hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.
>
>Back at the bog, the donkey was surprised, but happy, to see the
>chicken
>
>arrive in the shiny BMW, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of
>rope the chicken tossed to him.
>
>After tieing the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's car, the
>chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful
>car, rescued the donkey!
>
>Happy and proud, the chicken drove the BMW back to the farmhouse, and
>the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.
>
>The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best
>pals.
>
>A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too,
>began to sink and cried out to the donkey to save his life!
>
>The donkey thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large
>puddle.
>
>Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his "thing" and he
>would
>
>then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the
>donkey pulled him up and out, saving his life.
>
>
>The moral of the story?
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>When you're hung like a donkey, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks

[G-MONEY]

President Bush and Rumsfeld are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that
Bush and Rumsfeld sitting over there?"

The bartender says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a
real honor! . What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III."

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million
Muslims and one blonde with big tits."
The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits? Why
kill a blonde with big tits?"

Bush turns to Rumsfeld and says, "See, I told you
no one CARES about the 140 million Muslims".

[G-MONEY]

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.

"It's a period,'' said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''

''Darned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

[Domsz06]

ha ha ha!! that's great g-money!

[G-MONEY]

Dear Abby:

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.

Also, since he lost his job six years ago, he hasn't even looked for a
new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot
the bull with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills.

Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I may be a lesbian.

What should I do?


-- Clueless








Dear Clueless:

Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman.You don't need him anymore.
You're a United States Senator from New York. Act like one.
__________________

[Domsz06]

ha ha ha!

[my86stanggt]

A man was watching a little boy who was sitting on the curb with a cat. The boy would eat a M&M, bite the cat and scoot a little further down the curb. He repeated the process a couple of more times, eat an M&M, bite the cat and scoot down. Finally the man asks the boy what he's doing. The little boy replied, I'm pretending to be a truck driver. The man doesn't understand so the boy explains, I'm popping pills, eating (cat) and movin on down the road.

[Domsz06]

oh my god, that's great!

[chpthril]

An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several
years.

He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe
courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and
fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't
been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon
bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping
in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went
to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned and replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you
ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the
bucket up he said, "I 'm here to feed the alligator."

Moral: SOME old men can still think fast.

[sparky216]

Man walks into a whore house and lays down $10 on the counter and asks the owner
"What can I get for $10"
"$10 hey" the owner asks "hmm...boy I don't know $10 isn't very much money, but I tell you what go down the hall, last door on the right, there is a chicken inside."
"A chicken" the man says
"Yep, that what $10 will get you"
"I'm not having sex with chicken" says the man
"I tell you what" says the owner "Go down to the room, have sex with the chicken and if you don't agree that it's the best sex ever then I will give you all your money back"
So the man goes down to the room and takes off his clothes, chases the chicken around, grabs it and goes to town. Finishing, he walks back up to the counter "Good lord, that was FANTASTIC, who would of ever though that having sex with a chicken could be so wonderful".
The man returns a week later and lays $5 on the counter, "what can I get for $5"?
"$5, huh.....well I tell you what for $5 go down the hall last door on the left there are two lesbians going to town that you can watch".
The man walks into a room with about 20 men or so standing shoulder to shoulder watching these two lesbians going to town on each other behind a two way mirror.
"This is unbelievable" the man says " I cannot believe this, this is awsome, and for only $5!!"
The man next to him says "you think this is good, you should of been here last week, some guy was f---ing a chicken"!