Post your best joke thread

[G-MONEY]

A truck driver was driving down the highway when he sees a priest hitchhiking on the road. He stops to pick up the priest, but he has a few misgivings about giving him a ride; usually when the driver sees a redneck on the road, he hits them -- with a priest in the truck, he'd have to swerve. But the driver decides to pick up the priest.
A little while later, he comes across a redneck hitchhiking. He decides to just swerve and let this one live when, all of a sudden he hears a "BOOM!" The driver looks over at the priest, who says, "Don't worry -- I got him with the door."

[Domsz06]

ha ha ha g-money!!

[jleger98]

Good one G!

[jleger98]

Ok this is technically not a joke, but if you haven't seen this yet, its worth 2:22 to watch.

Blades of Glory Trailer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9ec2zry7AM

[G-MONEY]

The Hired Help

An old man and women owned a farm. The old man died and the woman couldn't handle the farm by herself so she was going to hire someone to help her. The only job applicants were the town drunk and a new guy in town, who was gay. So she chose the gay guy; they worked together for a week or so and got the farm back together.
The old woman was pleased with the work and worn out, so she decided to give herself and her hired hand the night off. Both went out to dinner, she with her friends and he with his. But when the old woman got home, he wasn't there. When he finally came in, she told him, “I'm your boss so you have to do what I tell you.”

The gay guy said, “Okay.”

So she said, “Take my shoes off,” so he did.

She said, “Take my stockings off,” so he did.

Then she said, “Take my dress off,” and he did.

She said, “Take my bra off,” so he did.

Then she said, “Take my panties off,” so he did.

Finally, she said, “You leave this house wearing my clothes one more time and you're fired.”

[G-MONEY]

Three Girls Go Camping

One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.
While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.

Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."

[G-MONEY]

Gravity-Defying Tequila

A guy is sitting at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He's slamming tequila left and right. He grabs one, drinks it, goes over to a window and jumps out. The guy who was sitting next to him couldn't believe that the guy had just done that. He was more surprised when, ten minutes later, the same guy, unscathed, comes walking back into the bar and sits back down next to him. The astonished guy asks "How did you do that? I just saw you jump out that window and we're hundreds of feet above the GROUND!". The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a shot of tequila and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a shot, slams it down, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls until right before the ground, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the guy walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He drinks it and goes to the window and jumps. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down at all...SPLAT! The first guy orders another shot of tequila and the bartender says to him, "You're really an a$$hole when you're drunk, Superman."

[my86stanggt]

Ok, Truckdriver picks up a hitchhiker and the hitchhiker promptly robs the driver and takes his clothes, money and truck and ties his wrists to his ankles and leaves him in the woods. The driver finally hops out of the woods and another trucker stops and gets out and asks "What happened?" The driver responds "A guy robbed me and took my truck, money and clothes." The trucker starts unzipping his pants and says "This just aint your day is it?"

[jleger98]

Good one Stang!!

Nice boat too

[my86stanggt]

I can't wait to get it back on the water.

[my86stanggt]

One guy rents a camel over in the desert and he goes out and in the middle of the desert it just sits down and won't move. After a couple of hours a caravan comes through and he asks them to tell the rental place he's stranded. So they say no problem and after a day the rental place sends a camel mechanic out to look the camel over. He stands there for a little bit and takes out a rubber mallet and hits the camel hard in the side and the camel lets out a huge fart. The mechanic looks over at the guy and says "Just as I thought, Vaporlock"

[Domsz06]

ha ha ha!!

[G-MONEY]

Top reason that you know you're from So Cal...

1) Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.

2) You drive next to a Rolls Royce and don't notice.

3) You don't know anyone's phone number unless you check your cell phone.

4) You speak Spanish, but you're not Mexican.

5) You begin to "lie" to your friends about how close you are when you know damn well that it'll take you at least an hour to get there (see below).

6) Getting anywhere from point A to point B, no matter what the distance, takes about "twenty minutes".

7) You drive to your neighborhood block party.

8) In the "winter", you can go to the beach and ski at Big Bear on the same day or mow your lawn in your shorts on New Year's Day, and maybe sunburn.

9) You eat a different ethnic food for every meal.

10) If your destination is more than 5 minutes away on foot, you're definitely driving.

11) Calling your neighbors requires knowing their area code.

12) You know what "In-'N-Out" is and feel bad for all the other states because they don't have any. (For non-Californians it is the best darn Fast Food Hamburger in the country and we will drive for miles to get one)

13) You don't stop at a STOP sign, you do a California Roll.

14) You really can never be too rich or too thin or too tan.

15) You've partied in Tijuana at least 3 times and you don't remember at least 1 of them.

16) You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.

17) You eat pineapple on pizza.

18) Your cell phone has left a permanent impression on the side of your head.

19) You think that Venice is a beach.

20) The waitress asks if you'd like "carbs" in your meal.

21) You know who the tinsel underwear dude in Venice Beach is.

22) You classify new people you meet by their Area Code. An "818" would never date a "562" and anyone from "323" or "213" is ghetto/second class. Best area code: "949." Nobody likes anyone from the"909" because it stinks there.

23) You call 911 and they put you on hold.

24) You have a gym membership because it's mandatory. The gym is packed at 3pm...on a workday.

25) You think you are better than the people who live "Over the
Hill". It doesn't matter which side of the hill you are currently residing,you are just better than them, for whatever reason.

26) You know that if you drive two miles in any direction you will find a McDonald's or a Starbucks.

27) You know what "sigalert", "PCH", and "the five" mean. (for non Californians it an accident/traffic jam, Pacific Coast Highway and the Five Freeway)

28) You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

29) It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station "STORM WATCH".

30) The Terminator is your governor.

31) You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from California

[zad0030]

Theres the same thing for St Louisans.

[Domsz06]

ha ha ha, that's great g-money!