Post your best joke thread

[LovinPowell]

Try this one

The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election.

Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the winner.

After much of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Minnesota .

There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. With their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties. At the end of the first day, John McCain returned to the starting line and he had ten fish.

Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed he was just having another 'bad hair' day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.

At the end of the 2nd day John McCain came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none.

That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said, 'Obama, I think John McCain is a low-life, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating.'

The next night (after John McCain returns with 50 fish), Harry said to Obama, 'Well, tell me, how is John cheating?'

Obama replied, 'Harry, you're not going to believe this, but he's cutting holes in the ice.'

Experience Counts!

Now that is funny

[G-MONEY]

We use to send Marines up and down hills looking for a stupid ID10T Form while stationed in HI. They were a little sweaty after a few of those trips.

In baseball we would send the freshmen to go find the keys to the batters box in the coaches office. Mind you our coach was in on it so he would put a bunch of loose keys in his office and the freshmen would always come back with all the keys asking what key opened the batters box.


We also would send them in to the shed to find the bucket of left-handed curve balls. It was hard to keep a straight face when they were looking for them.

[bk3104]

And way back when I was working my way through school by working on cars we'd get the rookie parts counter man lost looking for a thermostat for a 68 VW Beetle or muffler bearings.

[chpthril]

With the Boy Scouts, we would send the newbies around to other troops at council events asking to barrow a smokebender.

[skyski_tige]

In IT... Someone would ask for a cable connecting a new device they bought off of ebay. I would always send them to Compusa looking for a ID-10-T cable. They were always mad when they came back.

[rogersbm82]

So back to jokes.
If I washed my Dic* a thousand times, would you suck it?













Dirty Dic* sucker!

[skyski_tige]

Standard response would be - 'I don't do that' but if you washed it that many times. It sounds like you have it covered.

So back to jokes.
If I washed my Dic* a thousand times, would you suck it?













Dirty Dic* sucker!

[chpthril]

The difference in stopping and slowing down
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy.

He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from California and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Butte , Montana .

He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Montana deputy's expense.

The deputy says,' License and registration, please.'

'What for?' says the lawyer.

The deputy says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'

Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'

'You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the deputy. License and registration, please.'

The lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'

'The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration,& no b s please!' the Deputy says.

Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'

'That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,' the deputy says.

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says, 'Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?'

[chpthril]

Modern Day "Boston Tea Party"

By now you know that Anheuser-Busch was sold to a foreign company. Help me in boycotting Anheuser-Busch since they are sellouts.
Ship your beer to my house & I will take it to the lake and dispose of it. We'll teach those bastards

[G-MONEY]

by dispose of it do you mean drink it and pee it out in the water????

[chpthril]

by dispose of it do you mean drink it and pee it out in the water????

Just trying to do my civic duty

[Dan and Christy]

by dispose of it do you mean drink it and pee it out in the water????

G Money - Don't you mean pee it out and make Coors Light with it?

[chpthril]

Two guys, one old timer and one young, are pushing their carts around

Lowe's Building Supply when they collide.

The old timer says to the young guy, 'Sorry about that. I'm looking for

my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.

'The young guy says, 'That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my

wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.'

The old guy says, 'Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your

wife look like?'

The young guy says, 'Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair,

big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a

halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?'

The old timer says...... 'Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours.'

Most Old timers are helpful like that!

[larryueckert]

a guy ask a girl "do you want to have magical?" she ask,"whats that?' he replied "we f-ck,then you disappear!

[larryueckert]

why do women wear flowers on their panties? in loving memory of all the faces that were buried there!