Post your best joke thread

[G-MONEY]

This is a pretty cool test, check it out.
This test is based on how cool you were in High School--what crowd you ran with, etc., it 's pretty accurate.
You may want to send it to your friends to see if they've changed.

LET'S SEE IF YOU ARE A COOL PERSON:

http://www.sailinganarchy.com/genera.../cool_test.htm

HA HA HAHA HA HAHAH AH AHAH HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH AHHAHAHAH

[larryueckert]

i'm sure thats what a lot of my high school friends would say

[sparky216]

This is a pretty cool test, check it out.
This test is based on how cool you were in High School--what crowd you ran with, etc., it 's pretty accurate.
You may want to send it to your friends to see if they've changed.

LET'S SEE IF YOU ARE A COOL PERSON:

http://www.sailinganarchy.com/genera.../cool_test.htm

lol, that was an easy test

[dogbert]

Ok, so this isn't really a joke, but it is some pretty funny sh** you can pull on your friends and call it magic. Brian Brushwood is a magician from Austin TX and a friend of my wife's. He's pretty funny. Check out his new show Scam School. It's also available on iTunes as a free download.

He's had some other shows on You Tube:

[chpthril]

SCHOOL -- 1957 vs. 2007

Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1957 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2007 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario: &n bsp;Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2007 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.
1957 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2007 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1957 - Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock.
2007 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.
1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from c ore curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario : Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.
1957 - Ants die.
2007 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

[dogbert]

chpthril, that's not exactly funny.

[chpthril]

chpthril, that's not exactly funny.

OK, I'll start a "post your worst joke" thread

[sparky216]

SCHOOL -- 1957 vs. 2007

Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1957 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2007 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario: &n bsp;Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2007 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.
1957 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2007 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1957 - Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock.
2007 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.
1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from c ore curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario : Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.
1957 - Ants die.
2007 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

joke? That is real life Chp

[sparky216]

chpthril, that's not exactly funny.

oops I should of read down....dog beat me too it

[dogbert]

oops I should of read down....dog beat me too it

I think it's called irony...definitely

[da.bell]

Wow, times have changed. Much easier in 1957 and less lawyers ....

[CP3]

everyone these days has a lawyer on hand ready to sue the crap out of you

[samw]

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says "I dont feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
The husband says "WHAT??"

The wife says, "You must not be in tune with my emotional needs as a woman."

The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.

So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store.

He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can�t decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. They go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. Then they go to the Jewelry Department where she gets a set of diamond earrings.

The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says, "But you don�t even play tennis, but OK, if you like it then lets get it."

The wife is jumping up and down - shes so excited, she cannot believe what is going on.

She says "Im ready to go, lets go to the cash register." The husband says, "No - no - no, honey were not going to buy all this stuff." The wifes face goes blank, "No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."

Her face gets really mad and she is about to explode and the husband says "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man."

[NICKYPOO]

Nice one.

[chpthril]

Subject: Fwd: Her 4th Marriage




A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and

told the

sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth

wedding.



'Of course, madam,' replied the sales clerk, 'exactly what type and

color are

you looking for?'



The bride to be said: 'A long frilly white dress with a veil.' The

sales

clerk hesitated a bit, then said, 'Please don't take this the wrong

way, but

gowns of that nature is considered more appropriate for brides who

are being

married the first time - for those who are a bit more innocent, if

you know what

I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?'



'Well,' replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's

directness, 'I can assure you that a white gown would be quite

appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as

innocent

as a first-time bride. You see, my first husband was so excited

about our

wedding, he died as we were checking into our hotel. My second

husband and I got

into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon

that we had

that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again.'



'What about your third husband?' asked the sales clerk.



'That one was a Democrat,' said the woman, and every night for four

years,

he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was

going to be,

but nothing ever happened.