Post your best joke thread

[G-MONEY]

ha ha ha ha

[G-MONEY]

Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden,
and an American are all working together one day.

They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
!
"I will give each on you one wish,
which is three wishes in total", says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer and my son
will also farm. I want the land to be
forever fertile in Canada "

POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye,
the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.

Osama was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall
around Afghanistan , Palestine , ! Iraq
and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or
Canadians can come in our our precious land."

POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye,
there was a huge wall around those countries.

The American says, "I am very curious.
Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 5,000
feet high, 5oo feet thick and completely
surrounds the country. Nothing can get in
or out; it's virtually impenetrable."

The American sits down, cracks a beer,
smiles, and says to the Genie, "Fill it with water."

I pretty much vote this my favorite
email of the year...

[G-MONEY]

FIREARMS REFRESHER COURSE

1. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.

2. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.

3 Colt: The original point and click interface.

4 Gun control is not about guns; it's about control.

5. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.

6. Free men do not ask permission to bear arms.

7. If you don't know your rights, you don't have any.

8. Those who trade liberty for security have neither.

9. The United States Constitution (c)1791. All Rights Reserved .

10. What part of 'shall not be infringed ' do you not understand?

11. The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others.

12.. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.

13. Guns only have two enemies; rust and politicians.

14. Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace, no safety.

15. You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.

16. 911: Government sponsored Dial-a-Prayer.

17. Assault is a behavior, not a device

18. Criminals love gun control; it makes their jobs safer.

19. If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson.

20. Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control them.

21. You have only the rights you are willing to fight for.

22. Enforce the gun control laws we ALREADY have; don't make more.

23. When you remove the people's right to bear arms, you create slaves.

24. The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control.

[G-MONEY]

Down South, Bubba called an attorney and asked, "Is it true they's suin' them cigarette companies fer causin' people to git cancer ?"

"Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.

"And now someone is suin' them fast food restrunts fer makin' them fat an cloggin' their arteries with all them burgers an fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?"

"Sure is, Bubba."

"And that lady sued McDonalds for millions when she was gave that hot coffee that she ordered?"

"Yep."

"And that football player sued that university when he gradiated and still couldn't read?"

"That's right," said the lawyer.But why are you asking?"

"Well, I got thinkin', what I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser fer all them ugly women I slept with?"

[Lunchbox]

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows,going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women.
As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women.
When I shower, I think about women.
When I watch TV, I think about women.
I even think about women when I eat.
It seems that everything makes me think of women'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian'

[G-MONEY]

NICE!!!!!!!!!!!

[Tanner]

So I got this in a txt the other day.


After a recent study, scientists have determined that at some point, ALL women will be filled with intelligent DNA.
v
v
v
v
v
v
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v
v
v
v
v
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v
v
v
v

Unfortunately, 95% of them will spit it out!

[da.bell]

One winter morning a husband and wife in northern Michigan Were Listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the Announcer Say, "We are Going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must Park your car on the Even-numbered side of the street, so the Snowplows can Get through." So the good wife went out and moved Her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, The radio Announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the treet, so The snowplows can get through." The good wife went out and Moved Her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when The radio Announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of Snow today. You must park.." Then the electric power went out. The good wife Was very upset, and with a worried look On her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of The street do I Need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all Men who are Married to Blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you Just leave it in the garage this time."

[dogbert]

What's the difference between stuffing your wife in the trunk of your car and stuffing your dog in the trunk of a car?













Answer: Your dog will still be happy to see you when you open the trunk!

[G-MONEY]

GOLF'S WORST FOURSOME

1. MONICA LEWINSKI
2. O. J. SIMPSON
3. TED KENNEDY
4. BILL CLINTON



WHY YOU ASK?
Well, you're going to love this!<



1. MONICA IS A HOOKER
2. O. J. IS A SLICER
3. TED CAN'T DRIVE OVER WATER, AND
4. BILL CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH HOLE HE PLAYED LAST.

[eks]

Loved it!

[G-MONEY]

LITTLE PERSONAL ADVISE…


When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to
take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take
it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten
to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robin Carter?

Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that
anyone could be so rude.

I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had
transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up
with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy
answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an a$$hole!" and hung up I
wrote his number down with the word 'a$$hole' next to it, and put it
in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or
had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an a$$hole!"
It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'a$$hole'
calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi,
this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if
you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed down
the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an a$$hole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking
spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting
for that spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in
his car window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first a$$hole (I
had his number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the BMW
a$$hole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, It is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and
the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

Yes?"

"Don, you're an a$$hole." Then I hung up, and added his number to
my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two a$$holes to
call.
Then I came up with an idea. I called A$$hole #1.
"Hello."
"You're an a$$hole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen"

"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"*******, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with
my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better
start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, a$$hole."

Then I called A$$hole #2. "Hello?" he said.
"Hello, a$$hole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I said.

I'll kick your a$$," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, a$$hole, here's your chance. I'm coming over
right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I
lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to
kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on
West 34th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street.

There I saw two a$$holes beating the crap out of each other in
front of six squad cars, a police helicopter and a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

You know, this anger management stuff really works!!!!!

[CP3]

that is a great one G

[rogersbm82]

A man walks in to a sex shop to buy a blow up doll

Man says, "I would like to buy a blow up doll."
Clerk- "Male or Female?"
Man- "Female."
Clerk- "White or Black?"
Man- "White."
Clerk- "Christian or Muslim?"
Man- "What does religion have to do with it?"
Clerk- "The Muslim one blows itself up!"

[talltigeguy]

HOW COOL WERE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL?

This is a pretty cool test, check it out.
This test is based on how cool you were in High School--what crowd you ran with, etc., it 's pretty accurate.
You may want to send it to your friends to see if they've changed.

LET'S SEE IF YOU ARE A COOL PERSON:

http://www.sailinganarchy.com/genera.../cool_test.htm