Post your best joke thread

[chpthril]

A long time ago, Britain and France were at war.
During one battle, the French captured an English major.
Taking the major to their headquarters, the French general
began to question him.

The French general asked, "Why do you English officers
all wear red coats? Don't you know the red materia l makes
you easier targets for us to shoot at?"

In his bland English way, the major informed the general that
the reason English officers wear red coats is so that if they are
shot, the blood won't show and the men they are leading won't
panic.

And that is why from that day to now all French Army officers wear
brown pants.

[Lunchbox]

A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man,
standing alone. She approached him. "My name is Carmen," she told him.

"That's a beautiful name," he replied, "Is it a family name?"

"No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like Most
-- cars and men."

"What's your name?" she asked.

He said, "Bob Titsenbeer"

[Domsz06]

A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man,
standing alone. She approached him. "My name is Carmen," she told him.

"That's a beautiful name," he replied, "Is it a family name?"

"No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like Most
-- cars and men."

"What's your name?" she asked.

He said, "Bob Titsenbeer"

ha ha ha!!

[chpthril]

I must be Mike Buttsnbourbon

[Lunchbox]

I must be Mike Buttsnbourbon

LOL

[talltigeguy]

Hi, my name is Larry Tigeknockers!

[chpthril]

New from Apple

I'm getting 1 errr, I mean huh, 2, for the wife

[Lunchbox]

I'm getting 1 errr, I mean huh, 2, for the wife

Well yeah you need stereo...

[raythompson]

Gates vs. GM
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off

Actually, my Avalon works that way. You press the start button when the engine is running to turn the engine off.

[zad0030]

[pklakeguy]

A husband and wife are finishing up breakfast one morning when the wife asks her husband if she were to die, would he remarry? The husband immediately replys "No." The wife goes on to tell her husband that she insists if she were to die, that he remarry and be happy. The husband tries to argue, but the wife keeps insisting that this is what she would want.
A few minutes later she asks her husband "If you did remarry, would you let your new wife have my fur coat?" The husband thinks for a minute and says " Yeah, I guess so." The wife, trying not to act upset then asks " Would you let her have my car?" The husband thinks for a moment again and replys "Yes." Getting a little upset, the wife asks again "Would you let her have my golf clubs?" The husband quickly replys "NO." The wife, a little happier now, but confused asks him why. He says "She's left handed."

[bk3104]

Two blondes are taking a nature walk through the woods and they come across some tracks. The first one says "Oh look at the pretty deer tracks". The second says "No, those are rabbit tracks". They continued to argue for 30 minutes until they got run over by the train.

[Domsz06]

This was written by a guy ... it's pretty damn smart.

Girls -- Please have a sense of humor!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.


Alright Ladies. Forward this if you agree. Hell even if you disagree, forward it anyway.

Men, forward this if you have BALLS !!!!

[chpthril]

[Domsz06]

I got that from my myspace page. I LOVE IT!!