Post your best joke thread

[chpthril]

When I retired, I could hardly wait to spend time enjoying my favorite pastime -- bass fishing. I got my own little fishing boat and tried to get my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing.

Finally, one day at the Bait & Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam, the shop owner, who it turned out loves bass fishing as much as I do. We quickly became fishing buddies.


As I said the wife doesn't care about fishing. She not only refuses to join us she always complains that I spend too much time fishing.
A few weeks ago Sam and I had the best fishing trip ever. Not only did I catch the most beautiful bass that you've ever seen, only a few minutes later Sam must have caught his twin brother. So I took a picture of Sam holding up the two nice bass that we caught and showed the picture to the wife hoping that maybe she'd get interested.

Instead she says she doesn't want me to go fishing at all anymore and she wants me to sell the boat. I think she just doesn't like to see me enjoying myself.

What would you do? Tell the wife to forget it and continue my hobby or quit fishing and sell the boat as she insists?
Thanks,
An Avid Fisherman

PS: Enclosed is the picture of Sam with the two bass we caught :
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[G-MONEY]

Nice bass

[da.bell]

Dump the wife and move in with Sam.

[G-MONEY]

Finally someone thinking with their head.

[da.bell]

Yup and it's not the one on my shoulders.

[G-MONEY]

he he he
That's what I wanted to hear

[CP3]

Can you find the peach

You are a dirty dirty man thats why I like you

[CP3]

Not only did I catch the most beautiful bass that you've ever seen, only a few minutes later Sam must have caught HIS twin brother.
.

So does she have a noodle down there?

[dogbert]

A young woman was pulled over in Austin, Texas for speeding.

As the Texas State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said,"I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Texas State Trooper's Ball."

He replied, "Texas State Troopers don't have Balls."

There was a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he'd just said.

He then closed his book, got back in the patrol car and left.
She was laughing too hard to start her car.

[Domsz06]

A young woman was pulled over in Austin, Texas for speeding.

As the Texas State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said,"I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Texas State Trooper's Ball."

He replied, "Texas State Troopers don't have Balls."

There was a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he'd just said.

He then closed his book, got back in the patrol car and left.
She was laughing too hard to start her car.

ha ha ha!!

[da.bell]

So does she have a noodle down there?

Why, are you interested in noodles now????

[talltigeguy]

The old man and the young wife

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up.
The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old great and
I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant
with my child. So what do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then
began. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and
never misses a season. One day when he was setting off hunting, he
was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking
cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake he came across a very
large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd
left his gun at home and so couldn't shoot the magnificent creature but out
of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his
favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'.
Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over
dead. Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.

The 80-year-old said, "If you ask me, I'd say somebody else
pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly".

[G-MONEY]

HA HA HA
FUNNY S!#T



"pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver"

ha ha ha

i'm still laughing

[chpthril]

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up.
The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old great and
I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant
with my child. So what do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then
began. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and
never misses a season. One day when he was setting off hunting, he
was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking
cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake he came across a very
large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd
left his gun at home and so couldn't shoot the magnificent creature but out
of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his
favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'.
Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over
dead. Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.

The 80-year-old said, "If you ask me, I'd say somebody else
pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly".

Tall, I thought you guys were bound by Dr/Patient confidentiality


Thats funny as $h!t. I like the old guys spirit though

[dogbert]

Things Got Ya Down?

Well Then, Consider These

In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m., regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m. Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.

The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM, all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outsidethe ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life-support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.


Still Having a Bad Day????

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day????

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his iPod.

Are Ya O. K. Now? - No!

Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What?? STILL having a Bad Day????

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "Return to Sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now, Feeling Better?